I got several nice comments, mostly from other moms who understand what I’m going through.  Then I got an email from MIL telling me how lucky I am and that I should just get over it.

Excuse me?

I was pretty mad when I read it.  I thought- here I am putting my feelings out there (which is really hard for me to do) and you tell me to get over it.  If it was that simple don’t you think I would already be over it?  Fortunately I let myself cool down before I wrote back to her.  I thought about it- and I think email makes it hard to determine someones tone.  I think she was just (in her way) reaching out and pointing out how much I have and that I should be thankful.  I wrote her back a nice email explaining that I know I should be happy- I am very blessed and very fortunate.  But I just feel so sad all of the time.  She wrote back to let me know she is there if I need someone to talk to.

I’m so glad I waited before writing back!

Anyways, this year I have a few Christmas presents bought and ready to be given as gifts.  But, I do not have as much done as I wish I did.  It’s hard shopping with a 2 year old, so I am probably going to be doing a lot of my shopping online this year.

I was checking out a Christmas Gift Shop that has the 2008 best Christmas gifts for family.  One person I was looking for specifically was my MIL.  We are not all that close and I feel like I don’t know her very well.  But, I did see some items at this shop I think she might like. I think she would like the Thomas Kinkade Faith’s Inspiration Italian Charm Bracelet.  It’s just beautiful and it looks like something I could see her wearing. 

There are a lot of great gift ideas at the Christmas Gift Shop, so stop by and check out their site to look for some ideas for your loved ones.

So I sent out invitations to the family with an RSVP date on it.  Not a really big deal because we were just having it at a nearby park.  But still we needed to know how much food to bring and how big of a cake to order, how many plates, cups, etc. to buy.  So, the day before the RSVP date no one from George’s family had responded.  So he called his mom and she got answers for us.  Most of his brothers were planning to come, I’m not sure when they were going to tell us.

Anyways, my MIL said she wasn’t sure if she would come (which is no surprise) because she didn’t know how she would feel.  I thought the way it usually worked was you said yes and then if you happened to be sick on the day of the party you would call and say, “I’m sick, I can’t come.”  You don’t say several days in advance that you might not feel good so you’re not sure.  So, I knew then she wasn’t coming.  It really annoys me that Peanut’s own grandmother can not take a hour or so to come to her own granddaughters birthday party, taking place 5 minutes from her home.  Especially when we were traveling from out of town so they could all come.

The party was wonderful anyways.  Most of George’s family did come and my FIL came.  No MIL though.  I guess that’s just how she is and it’s hard for me to accept it.

So, while we were in town we made arrangements to visit my in-laws so that they could see Peanut for a while.  They agreed, as usual.  Then the night before our planned visit my MIL sent me an email saying that we couldn’t come over because they were going to be busy.  They had to go car shopping.  Really?  A last minute car shopping trip?  Not to mention the cold and rainy weather.

I just don’t get it.  The in-laws don’t seem to want to be a big part of Peanut’s life and it confuses me.  She is the sweetest little girl and I can’t understand why they don’t want to see her.

So, George talked to MIL about it.  Because something like this happens almost every time we plan to go over there.  Apparently we don’t act up to her standards when we visit.  George doesn’t talk enough.  I sit on the couch and I don’t talk enough either.  Hmmm, I wonder if that has anything to do with the way my MIL and FIL always have the TV on and that it is always the center of attention.  My MIL does usually play with Peanut and pays attention to her.  But, I guess I feel like if everyone is watching TV- am I supposed to sit there quietly and watch so I don’t interrupt?  Or am I supposed to make small talk?

Apparently I’m doing the wrong thing.  Although the excuse is usually different each time, so I’m pretty sure this is just another excuse.

When George and I first started dating his mother and I talked quite a bit.  She was always very nice to me.  After we got married things continued that way.  We talked on the phone pretty often and things seemed to be okay.  She would occasionally get upset with me if she called to talk and I was busy at the time and couldn’t spend hours on the phone, but for the most part things between us were good.

I don’t really know when things changed.  The event that sticks out most in my mind is when we were all planning to attend a family reunion.  There was some sort of arguement between George and my MIL and we were un-invited to the reunion.  Things went downhill quickly.  We didn’t talk to for several months.

We later moved for George’s job and I guess that made the strain even worse.  I had hoped that once Peanut was born we would be able to be close since I assumed my MIL would want to be a big part of Peanut’s life.  Which turned out to not be quite the case. 

We live a few hours away but we visit often.  We always stay at my parents house when we visit- they have plenty of room for us.  George and I get our own room and Peanut gets her own room.  It’s easy and it works out well for us.  We always make arrangements to visit my MIL and FIL while we are in town though.  But, more than half of the time my in-laws cancel our plans at the last minute.  Peanut doesn’t really know them very well because they seem to want to close us out of their lives.

I guess because I came from a very close family it’s hard for me to understand.  We were always very close to all of our extended family.  I always considered my cousins to be some of my closest friends.  I want this very much for Peanut- to have a large family network.  I am tired of trying to force a relationship on my in-laws though.  If they don’t want to be a big part of her life, then that is their choice.