Anyways, I was reading to her thinking about how I just can’t have her being sick like this anymore this year.  So, I was thinking about the various activities we go to- story times, play groups, church, etc.  And I started thinking about how I want to just keep Peanut at home until spring.  Then I started thinking about how sad and lonely I already feel and the thought of never leaving the house made me start to cry.  Then I felt like there was a crushing pressure and pain in my chest and I couldn’t catch breath.  I was shaking and crying.

So, I am wondering if it could have been a panic attack???

Anyhoo, I asked George when he wanted to go.  It was around 11am when I asked him and none of us were dressed yet.  So he said, “We can go now.”  I explained that by the time we got ready and left it would be getting too close to lunch time and Peanut would get grouchy.  So he was quiet for a few minutes and then said, “How about this.  After Peanut’s nap we’ll go to Linen’s and Things (they are going out of business) then we’ll head to the mall and eat dinner there.  After that we can go to the grocery store.”  I agreed.  And then I spent the rest of the day looking forward to going.  Because my life is clearly filled with excitement.

The trouble started when we couldn’t find Linens and Things.  George thought he knew where it was (we have never been there) and it wasn’t where he thought it was.  I though I knew where it could be- but he wouldn’t check there (even though we were about 1 minute away from the plaza I thought it was in).  Then George got tired of my side seat driving and stopped the car and we switched.  I drove to where I thought it was- and it was there.  We wasted a half hour driving around because George refused to check where I thought it was.  And still- he says it used to be where he thought it was.  Apparently when they decided to go out of business they moved to a new building.  Clearly that makes all sorts of sense.

So then.

After we left Linens and Things (we didn’t buy anything) we headed to the mall.  And we got stuck in rush hour traffic.  Lovely.  The entire time we were stuck George yelled at me about how this was the reason we shouldn’t head out at this time of evening.  And it was my fault.  Because apparently he told me we should never be out in traffic at that time.  He was mad and said we were just going home.  But, we had promised Peanut and ride on the carousel at the mall- and since he didn’t want to make her sad we went to the mall.  From there on out we had a great time.  But, still- I am sick and tired of getting yelled at all of the time about every little thing- whether it is my fault or not, George will turn it into being my fault.

Anyhoo- one thing that can put your mind at ease when it comes to some of the worrying is a company like Cryo-Cell.  You can bank your baby’s cord blood with them and it can be used to treat many diseases.  There are 75 diseases that can be treated my the stem cells from a baby’s cord blood.  And scientists are working hard to find more diseases that can be helped with the stem cells.

Now if you want to keep up with Cryo-Cell and have all of the latest information you can check them out on Cryo-Cell on Facebook and Cryo-Cell on Twitter.  Be sure to check out their site and their Facebook and Twitter pages.  There is a vast amount of information!

So I decided to start a new blog.  One where I could be anonymous.  I didn’t tell my family and real life friends about it.  The only people who read my blog (I THINK!) are people who have never met me in real life.  But it feels good.  I write about all of the stuff I worry and stress over.  Things that I don’t want people I know in real life to know about.  And every single time I post about my latest anxiety or panic attack- I feel better instantly.  And then when I get comments or emails about people who have gone through or are going through what I am, I know that is why I do this.

Today I found about about MyTherapyJournal.com where you can keep an online journal that is private so that you can feel safe and protected.  There are a lot of journaling benefits which you can read about on their site.  There are health care providers who use their services in addition to the military and soldiers returning from the war who have PTSD.  There are thousands of members who have joined America’s #1 source of online journaling.  Journaling can be a very healing process and I hope you’ll give it a try.

I moved about 5 years ago to the area we are living in now.  I live about a half hour from where my pen-pal grew up.  There has been a couple of times at church when I thought I saw someone who looked like her and I wondered if it could be her.

Yesterday at church when I was dropping Peanut off in the nursery there was a new mom checking the kids in.  It was the lady that I think looks like my old pen-pal.  So, I thought to myself, “Well, if her name is Becky then it must be her.”  And I saw her name tag and it said Becky.  Did I say anything to her to find out if she could be my old pen-pal?

Nope.

Why not?  I guess you could say I’m shy- although that’s not really the truth.  I am shy in a way, it’s hard for me to talk to people I don’t know.  But the reason I don’t like to talk to people I don’t know is because I know in a situation like that- if I had asked her if she could have been my old penpal- my face would have turned all red.  Why?  I don’t know.  There isn’t anything embarassing about it, there is no reason for my face to get all red.  But that’s why I didn’t say anything to her- I knew my face would end up turning all red.  And I hate it.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks.  I’ve been so busy preparing for our move.  And now I’m still busy preparing for our move.  Plus I’m busy being obsessed with Facebook. 

And I’m also busy being obsessively worried about the swine flu.  And since worrying tends to help matters I’ll just keep worrying some more.  If we weren’t so close to some of the suspected cases I wouldn’t be too worried.  But we are close.  Very, very close.  And if I weren’t a mommy I probably wouldn’t be worried at all. 

What have you been up to?

So, I checked my sites.  None of them were loading.  I knew they had been out for a while because I didn’t get any comments during the night.  Then I got an email on my personal account from my mother-in-law wanting to know why I had blocked her from my blogs.  (Not this blog, she doesn’t know about this one!) 

George tried to contact our hosting company with no response.  Know how long this went on?  DAYS!  I couldn’t stand it.  Not only do I need my blogs for fun, but we have other sites we run to make our living.  No one would respond.  Fortunately George had backed up all of our sites.  And after looking into reviews on various website hosting companies George was able to get us all set up.

It was a HUGE headache!  Make sure you use a company like Web Hosting Geeks to get information about the various choices you have before making a decision.  The time you spend researching is well worth it.

The End.

But lately I find myself getting a little worried over money.  We are in the midst of trying to buy a house.  Everything seems to be incredibly over-priced.  I thought this was buyers market but the choices are slim and what is available is terrible.  It’s frustrating.  In order to get the house we want I’m afraid we’re going to have stretch our already tight budget.  We’ll probably get enough from the sale of our house to live off of for a year.  So, I know we have a year to get ourselves situated and get our business running better.  But I am just stressing over it.

Also, I’m stressing over our taxes.  This is the first year we have had our business and I used a tax program but I am so worried about our taxes.

I know there are things in life that are much, much worse.  I am thankful to have a healthy family and know that is the only thing that matters.

So, I was looking into some stress management research and was reading about how The Stress Institute can help people live more stress-free lives.  I definitely need a more stress-free life.  I am always finding things to be stressed over.  If you’re like me, you’ll want to check this out too.